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Welcome To FunniGurl.com
These are some of the Gaggle of jokes
I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...



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Q:What happened to the boy who swallowed a flashlight?
A:He hicupped with delight. 

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Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods?
One was "a-salted." 

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange (aren't) you glad you got to see me? 

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Q: What's black, white and read all over?
A: A newspaper. 

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Q: SPELL MOUSE TRAP IN 3 LETTERS.
A: CAT 

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Q: What was the first bus to cross the Atlantic Ocean?
A: ColomBUS 

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What do you call a cow with no legs?
GROUND Beef! 

What do you call two banana peels laying on the floor?
SLIPPERS! 

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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work! 

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Teacher: "Karen please spell 'Giraffe'"
Karen: "G-I-R-A-F-F-E"
Teacher: "Spell again"
Karen: "G-I-R-A-F-F-E"
Teacher: "No! I asked you to spell the word
'AGAIN', not GIRAFFE!" 

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Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: Law School 

Q: What do you call a no-legged dog?
A: Nothing, he won't come anyway. 

Q: What do you do with a no-legged dog?
A: Take it for a drag. 

Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog?
A: Right where you left it. 

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick. 

Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: They have big fingers. 

Q: What has four legs, is green, fuzzy and if it falls 
out of a tree on top of you will kill you?
A: A pool table. 

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Q: What grade hurts the most to get?
A: A "B" because it stings! 

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A little girl asked her grandpa,
"Are you a frog?"
Grandpa said "No, why do you ask?"
The little girl said,
"Mom said we will get your house when you croak!" 

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Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot! 

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Mary had a little lamb,
His foot was black as soot.
And everywhere that Mary went,
His sooty footy put. 

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Q: What's the biggest rope in the world ?
A: Europe 

Q: What's the biggest gate in the world?
A: colgate 

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Q: What do ears and candles have in common?
A: They both have wax! 

Q: What happens when a fly eats some butter?
A: It turns into a butterfly 

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Q: Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the gutts; get it NO GUTTS!!! 

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Q: What happened when the basket ball player drank milk?
A: He dribbled. 

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Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies! 

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Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered desert?
A: No thanks, I'm stuffed !! 

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Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn't there to do it. 

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Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can't tune-a fish! 

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Q: What do frogs drink?
A: Croak a Cola. 

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Q: How do you catch a unique rabbbit?
A: Unique up on him! 

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: The tame way! 

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Q: Why did tiger jump down the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh!!! 

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? 
To get to the other SLIDE!!! 

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Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes?
A: They'd crack each-other up! 

Q: What did one strawberry say to the other?
A:"Look at the jam you've gotten us into!" 

Q: What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
A: "My Pop is bigger than your Pop!" 

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Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A Pitt-Bull, coming home from the park. 

Q: How did the egg cross the road?
A: It scrambled across! 

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta. 

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his DARN tractor?
A: Where's my DARN tractor? 

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Q:Why did the frog cross the road?
A:To see what was hoppining over there. 

Q:Why did the turtle cross the road?
A:To get to the Shell station. 

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you. 

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Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep and a frog?
A: A wooly jumper. 

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Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: So he could hide in the strawberry patch. 

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Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?
A: You get light music. 

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't invented. 

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Pringles: Once you pop, you can't stop!
Mouse Potatoes: Once you click, you can't stop! 

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Q: What do leopards say after lunch?
A: "That sure hit the spots!"
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Q: What does a cold cow give?
A: Ice cream!
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Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
A: He wanted to sing higher!
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference who; just let me in!
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GHOST: "Doctor, I feel faint."
DR: I guess so; you're white as a sheet!"
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A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. "Excuse me", he said to
the cat in charge, "Can you get milk stains out?" "Sure," replied
the cat. "We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"
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Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
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Q: What's a snake's favorite school subject?
A: Hissstory!
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What Do You Get When You Cross...

an owl and a goat?
A Hoot-nanny 

a mountain lion and a parrot? 
 I dunno, but when it talks, ya better listen! 

a chicken and a catterpillar?
Drumsticks for everyone! 

a high chair and a bird?
A Stool pidgeon. 

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Q1: What's black and white and black and
 white and black and white?
A1: A nun rolling down a hill. 

Q2: What's white and black and white and
black and white and black?
A2: A video of a nun rolling down a hill, played backwards! 

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Do you know why Eskimos always do their laundry in tide?
Because it's too cold out-tide! 

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Two Little Snakes

Two little snakes were wiggling along the side of the road when
the first little snake turned to the second little snake and asked,
"Are we poisonous?" "Why?" asked the second little snake, to
which the first little snake replied, "Because I just bit my lip!" 

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Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because chickens weren't invented yet. 

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Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it! 
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Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the barking lot! 

Get it? The barking lot! Arf! Arf! 

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Q: Where do you get dragon milk?
A: From a cow with no legs. 

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Q: A chicken is sitting in its yard. A rooster comes by and lays
an egg on the chicken's yard. Who's egg is it?
A: No one's, because roosters can't lay eggs! 

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Knock, Knock,
Who's There?
Boo
Boo Who?

Why are you crying it's only a Knock Knock Joke! 

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Grandma's AOL

Grand ma' had AOL problems, so she called an AOL technician
for help. The technician asked her, "What's the problem with
your AOL?" 

Grand ma' said that a message kept popping up on her monitor
saying, 'There is new mail in your mail box.' But when she
walked outside to check her mail box, it would be empty every
time! 

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Q: What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
A: "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant .. Dead Ant"
(to the tune of Pink Panther theme). 
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What would you get if you crossed a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic pork! 

What do you call a sick extraterrestrial?
An ailin' alien. 

What's shaped like a hot dog and goes chugging down the tracks?
Thomas the frank. 

Why did the spider like computers?
Because he had his own Web site. 

Where do baby cows eat lunch?
At a calf-ateria. 

What do you call the person who tutors monsters?
A creature teacher. 

What do you call a boring toy?
A dull doll. 

What do you call a sleeping prehistoric animal?
A dina-snore! 

What kind of cookies do cats like?
Chocolate chirp cookies. 

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
LO 

What do astronauts put on their toast?
Space Jam. 

What sports star do cats like best?
Tiger Woods. 

Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches?
It's called The Hex-Files. 

What do you call an egg from outer space?
An unidentified flying omelet! 

What do you call a series of scary books about Bullwinkle?
Moosebumps. 

What do monsters like to snack on?
Ghoul Scout cookies. 

How do you get a longhaired cat to come to the phone?
Make a Persian-to-Persian call. 

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a mild-mannered reporter?
Cluck Kent. 

What do you call a group of boring, spotted dogs?
101 Dull-mations! 

What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan. 

What do astronauts wear to bed?
Space Jammies! 

What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark?
A knight light 

What would you get if you crossed Lassie with a vegetable?
Collieflower. 

Where do cowboys cook their meals?
On the range. 

What's a termite's favorite cartoon character?
Woody Woodpecker. 

What kind of books do librarians hate?
Overdue books. 

What do you call a lazy toy?
An inaction figure. 

What has a fluffy tail and flies through the air?
A hare-plane 

What did the little ghost give his mom for Mother's Day?
A booquet of flowers. 

What's a doll's favorite food?
Barbie-Q! 


What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice. 
                                        
Did you hear the one about the fireworks?
It's a blast! 
                                        
What did the bicycle call its dad?
Pop-cycle 
                                        
What do you get if you cross a comedian with track shoes?
A running joke. 
                                        
Why did the boy bring flowers to his 
teeth cleaning appointment?
He had a date with dentistry. 



Where did the dog sleep when it went camping?
In a pup tent. 
                                        
Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes?
A stunt ham. 
                                        
What would you get if you crossed a frog with a squirt gun?
A Croaker Soaker. 
                                        
What are the hottest days during summer?
Sun-days 
                                        
What would you get if you crossed a duck with the Fourth Of July?
A fire quacker! 

Where do genies go on summer vacation?
To lamp camp. 
                                        
What runs all day but never gets tired?
Water. 
                                        
What would you get if you crossed a Jedi knight with a toad?
Star Warts. 
                                        
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Iran.
Iran who?
Iran 25 laps around the track and boy am I tired! 
                                        
What do you call rollerbladers who chat on the computer?
Online skaters. 

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy you go to summer camp? 

Who saved John Smith's life with her funny stories?
Joke-ahontas (Pocahontas). 

What happened to the chicken that stayed in the sun all day?
It got fried. 

What did Attila use at the beach?
Huntan lotion. 

What dog is best at running?
A lap dog. 






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